My biggest surprise about parenthood.

I was older when I had my first baby. I was ready. I wanted to be a mother. Like most child free people, I thought I understood what I was getting into. Of course being a parent is hard, but I was a “stable, well adjusted adult and I could handle it dammit”. In fact, something I often told myself to boost my confidence going into birth and parenthood was that plenty of people younger and dumber than I had done this, so I most definitely could too. If I only knew!

Last year when my sister in law was pregnant, we were chatting about parenthood. It was during this conversation that I realized how wrong I was before. Thing about parenthood that has surprised me the most is this:

The solution to every parenting challenge or behavioural issue I have faced is that I need to grow, learn or adapt.

The answer is always me. I need to change to meet my child where they’re at. It’s so simple, yet so very hard.

As I first dipped my toes into parenting, I, like many new parents, started reading a lot of parenting books. While every book shared a different philosphy, I quickly saw a commonality. Every book explained that the children are doing what they’re supposed to be doing - being kids. The way to change their behaviour was to change mine. To say this was a bombshell to me is an understatement. I was convinced, after all, that I was a well adjusted, balanced, full grown adult. Turns out, nope. I was wrong. This woman has a ton of learning and growing to do.

Now if one of my children is struggling I look to myself. What skills do I need to work on to help better support my child through what they’re experiencing. If what I’m doing isn’t working, then I need to learn something else; add more skills to my toolbelt.

If this idea seems exhausting to you, don’t worry, that’s how it felt to me too when I first figured it out. Honestly, my attitude was pretty crappy about the whole notion at the time. How could it never be ‘their fault’. It would be so much easier if they were the ones who needed to change.

Here’s the thing, thank goodness it’s up to us to change and grow. At least it’s something we have control over.

It’s funny now that I think about it. I was so ready, I thought I had it all together. I was prepared to usher in these little human beings into the world and qualified to guide them on their path in the world when the truth is no one is ready. It’s impossible.

So there you have it, my biggest suprise as a parent is that I have so much more to learn.

S.